What to Eat When You're Three-and-Two-Thirds
You are now practically a grown-up (except, of course, when you are not--no one here is denying you the prerogative to exclaim "but I'm just a child!" as needed). Here are some changes you might consider making to your current diet:
Think about beginning to dislike macaroni and cheese, reducing by 33% your acceptable dinner entrees (the others being, of course, chicken nuggets and pizza). You might, however retain a fondness for buttered egg noodles, if you want to go a little easy on your parents.
Shake things up a little by suddenly being willing to eat one vegetable. Be careful, though, not to choose a particularly nutrient-rich vegetable. Cucumbers or iceberg lettuce might be good, but we suggest celery. Celery with lots of salt carefully applied by oneself without the help of some buttinsky grown-up (grimly determined expression optional).
You may wish to announce that you don't like raisins any more. If the ensuing discussion includes a mention of grapes without water in them, you may, however, express a great interest in obtaining some of these fabulous fruits. If it turns out that raisins are, in fact, grapes without water in them, you may then feel free to eat them with gusto.
There are also some categories of food that you, the 3 2/3-year-old, should avoid at all costs (N.B.: unpredictable and idiosyncratic exceptions are, however, not only permitted but strongly encouraged).
The real joy in being 3 2/3, however, is in the diet details. Here is a recipe you might wish to insist on having made for you for breakfast two mornings in a row. (You need not ever mention it again.)
1 slice bread, lightly toasted, crusts removed
butter, spread to edges
French's yellow mustard
cinnamon and sugar
Think about beginning to dislike macaroni and cheese, reducing by 33% your acceptable dinner entrees (the others being, of course, chicken nuggets and pizza). You might, however retain a fondness for buttered egg noodles, if you want to go a little easy on your parents.
Shake things up a little by suddenly being willing to eat one vegetable. Be careful, though, not to choose a particularly nutrient-rich vegetable. Cucumbers or iceberg lettuce might be good, but we suggest celery. Celery with lots of salt carefully applied by oneself without the help of some buttinsky grown-up (grimly determined expression optional).
You may wish to announce that you don't like raisins any more. If the ensuing discussion includes a mention of grapes without water in them, you may, however, express a great interest in obtaining some of these fabulous fruits. If it turns out that raisins are, in fact, grapes without water in them, you may then feel free to eat them with gusto.
There are also some categories of food that you, the 3 2/3-year-old, should avoid at all costs (N.B.: unpredictable and idiosyncratic exceptions are, however, not only permitted but strongly encouraged).
- spicy
- hot (more than 2 degrees Farenheit above room temperature)
- messy
- for grown-ups
- green
The real joy in being 3 2/3, however, is in the diet details. Here is a recipe you might wish to insist on having made for you for breakfast two mornings in a row. (You need not ever mention it again.)
1 slice bread, lightly toasted, crusts removed
butter, spread to edges
French's yellow mustard
cinnamon and sugar
posted by Rosie Bonner at 5:07 PM
3 Comments:
...and if some overeager grownup attempts to second-guess you by painstakingly preparing the above dish for a third morning in a row, be sure to wait until all the preparations are finished and there are only seven minutes before you all have to leave for work and daycare before announcing, "I don't like this any more!"
If that is not to your liking, madam, may I suggest the house specialty: a peanut-butter-and-butter crustless sandwich, accompanied by apple with peel?
The following is regarded as quite delicious by the Chicago cognescenti: spaghetti noodles with glutinous Italian dressing. Magnifico!
Absolutely refuse to eat a hotdog if it has even looked at a bun.
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